Saint Sabrina's Purgatory

Saint Sabrina's Purgatory is where I went to get a needle shoved through my nose.
The first time to piss off my parents. My eyes flooded like rain gutters when the tiny
diamond stud fell out on the lake that summer. The reflection of my bare face in the
mirror made me feel empty like my empty bank account meaning for the time being no
replacement. The second time because I hated my haircut. "It needs a nose ring," I told my
bewildered friend as we drove her black BMW toward the high rise of buildings in
the distance. Both times white preppy girls in a dark tattoo and piercing parlor. Collared
shirts and khaki pants, a clean white ribbon wrapped neatly around my thin brown
ponytail. Surrounded by magenta, electric blue, black hair, tattoos of topless women and
Satan. Scandalous stripper clothes in erotic pink that we loved to look at but would never
be caught dead in. My eyes wide in the waiting room looking around at all the foreigners
with infinite holes in their faces, I wondered if they were trying to torture themselves.
They stared into me like they were looking into a mirror and I was the reflection of their
antithesis. It was an escape from our suburban world filled with Jamba Juice
and Abercrombie. A guilty pleasure now and then to help us live in denial of the fact that we
knew nothing except ourselves.

Bruised

Three girls split one box of wine
girls night in, turns into a night at the bar
One corona on the house and a cigarette later
Jenny wants me to take a shot with her
One brain hemorrhage later
time to go break the seal
in the crowded unsanitary bathroom
that smells like garbage
and has toilets that don't flush
I hear sounds of gagging
coming from the stall to my right
I look at the shoes, putrid green, nobody I know
When I come back the owner is pouring
free tequila shots for everyone
Katie and I take three
No trace of Jenny
We walk outside and split a cigarette
We turn mushy and say we love each other
and as we go to hug
I trip over her foot and we fall down laughing
too drunk to notice the staring faces
Back inside we find Jenny
A dirty old man buys us three margaritas
We thank him and quickly walk away
Two blow job shots each before we go dance
in the tiny room that brings instant sweat
We lose each other just as we start losing ourselves
and it is time for another voyage to relieve myself
a couple is yelling at each other in Spanish
outside of the restrooms
I walk by speedily but they are still there
when I come back out
Katie is dancing up on the bar with three men
The bartender asks me if I want another drink
I tell him to make me something
He hands it to me and I cautiously sip
It's good, he calls it a bruised bitch
I'll have to remember that
Dizzy and disoriented
I go outside to have another cigarette
can't find the lighter
ask to borrow from the guy next to me
twenty years old, not in school, no job
but he is helping me stand upright
I stumble back to the bathroom
This time the sounds are coming from my own stall
I hear my name as I am emptying out my dinner
And when I'm done I stand up
walk out of the stall with my head held high
Reapply my lipstick
Walk back to the bar with my friends
and order another drink

Isn't It Ironic

She dreamed of falling in love, instead she fell into him
thought he had been searching for her
When he searched for constellations in the sky
But he wasn't quite what she had in mind
when she was young and wished upon that star

Her mom always said "When life hands you lemons,
you make lemonade"
So she stayed with this lemon
tried to console him with her voice,
but he would plug his ears
gave him a gin and tonic to calm him
he didn't like the way it tasted when she made it
so he would pour it down the drain

One day they stared into each other
and out of the years of silence and tension
came sweet laughter but
they both wanted to cry
Nothing else to do
They had danced until they
drank up all the sun

When the sun goes down
Stars help people find their way home
They get weary and burn out
but others will always be burning
radiantly through the night

He was ready to find something new but
she was afraid to look at the stars by herself
But isn't it ironic?
They both found their gin and tonic