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Changing Faces
I know that I'm smiling right now, and I'm
not really sure why I still am.
After all I've been through, I feel like
doing anything but wearing this
stupid grin on my face.
At this very instant, I feel like I could
burst into tears. It would probably feel
good to cry, I've been holding it back
for so long. But instead, I'm smiling.
So I'll take that as a sign of something good.
Even though I'm trapped on all sides
and I can feel the walls closing in on me.
Faces are not masks, they're televisions
and I can change my emotional channels
almost instantly.
I know there must be more than this,
more than feeling like I'm about to
go through the roof. Maybe if I hold on a
little longer, I'll find my peace.
High School Puzzle
I thought I had it all figured out, that I could
handle myself and if I shut everyone out I could
work my way from the outside in and with a
nervous and shaking hand I began building the
border of my puzzle during high school.
I started out confident of the frame I had set,
but after awhile I grew tired of searching for
the right combinations that put corner to corner
and as my contorted design began to take on a
distorted and misaligned image I resorted to
smashing the pieces of my painful puzzle into place.
After graduation I decided to keep my hand out
of the box of broken and mangled pieces for good
and I allowed the Designer, the one who signed
His name on the cover art which I had thrown away
to fit me back together bit by bit until the
unfulfilling
gaps and mismatched fragments of high school began
to heal somewhere near the center of my puzzle.
Enter
Come take a look inside, see me for what I am.
Take note of the twisting wires that used to be my veins
The metal piping arteries that carried my precious blood
Now carry frozen air, and I can hear the hissing hollows
If you touch me, my skin will flake off like sheet rock.
I don't need to be reminded that I look pretty torn up.
Sometimes, its too dark in here.
In my head, there are a jumble of jumper cables
and too many slippery surfaces, so much in fact
that I stumble in the dark corners of my mind.
This is what happens when I lose track of time.
Sometimes, its much too bright.
Then there are the aching halogens that never turn off
no matter how hard I try, I can't relax,
everything is illuminated to the point of blinding
reflection
the brightness won't let me forget my flaws.
This is how it feels when I screw up.
Someone pulled the alarm.
The blarring ringing is echoing down my hallways
of my brain. RING RING RING. Someone shut up my conscience.
I don't need to be reminded that I can't get it all
together.
One of these days I'll clean this all up
Push everything back in its place
Seal up the cracks, cover the holes
But for now, my insides are hanging out
exposing me for exactly what I am.
Exit
at the end, you'll see the Light.
it's practically been promised to me.
i'm hoping that when its my time to go Home,
i'll have the comfort of my lifeguards
to take me to the Place.
the Place where there are no more tears
no more pain, no more sorrow
time will no longer take the things I love away
everything will be made new. perfected.
they say that the Light is really just a story.
i heard it once in a movie with doctors
they said the last thing I will see
are fading electric impulses in my retinas.
but I prefer to believe what I've been told,
and when I finally get to see
the Light at the end of the hallway
I'll smile, and say goodbye for now.
at the end, I'll see the Light
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